Tuesday, March 12, 2013


 So we are here. Not really sure what that means. home? not really, but i guess it will have to do. 

 We have 2-3 months to figure out where to go from here.  i thought that once we got 'here' i would feel a little better. i would feel secure because we have a roof over our heads. We are renting a house, we are no longer homeless.  But this isn't home. It's temporary, and so no matter how much i try to be settled, my mind is constantly racing...constantly asking what is next? where will we go from here? where will we go?

 i have tried to make this place home.  We made paper hearts and rainbow stars for the windows. i have baskets of pine cones, and jars of acorn caps on the fireplace hearth.  i have tried to throw myself back into my crafting. Home is where the heart is after all, and we are here together.  but our hearts are not. This is just a house. It's not our house. It's just one more stop along our journey to find our way home.

It has been over a month since our home burned, throwing us into uncertainty and destroying all sense of security that we have known for the last 13 years.  Folks constantly ask if we are settled now, and all i can do is nod my head although my eyes fill with tears.  We are in a house, we are back to routine, we are settled.   In truth, i am far from settled.  

i am lost. completely and utterly lost.

i am so very far from home, that i have to wonder if i will ever find my way back again..


  1. Hoping you find your sense of home and place soon. I see home as spiritual. A place of love, family, security, joy. And indeed, you can have those things wherever you are. Wherever you and your family are is good because you're together. Sending you all good & comforting thoughts.

  2. Sending you many hugs, first month is a rented home always feels like a vacation away from home. But time will pass and you will walk around the neighberhood and get familliar with the area, the people, the trees and the nature and you will find all that you adore around you at this house- So with time, this house will become a home.
    Also at your kids heart, being here will become a part of their life.
    Wishing you all the best
    Inbal, Israel

  3. I have been exactly where you are... it's not fun. In 1997 I was in a house fire caused by an arsonist... rebuilding is the hardest part, and slowly but surly it will get there for you. Moving is never fun, I've done it way too many times in my life.

    I do hope it all settles down soon for you and your family.


  4. A dear friend of ours lost her home in Sandy, so I have been seeing the unfolding of a similar situation. Though I have sought to be of comfort and help to her, her fortitude has taught me much. You too, I am certain, have much strength and resilience, perhaps more so than we ourselves sometimes realize, and will also pull through this. You have your greatest treasures there with you, and home is just that. Go slowly, it will get better. Wishing you the best.